So many times relationships start out wonderfully, the person is joyous and
feels as if they’ve found, “the one”. Then as time passes,
they begin to wonder where has the love gone? Many feel lost when this happens.
They do not know what went wrong, or what steps need to be taken to make
things right again.
It seems to many that love is a mystery. When one relationship ends, they
fear they may never find someone new, or be able to love again. Or, even
when things are going well, unexpected obstacles can arise that seem to difficult
to overcome. Tremendous amounts of time and emotion are spent trying to figure
out what is going on.
But stop a moment and think about it. You would never try to build a building
without first getting an architect’s plan. Without a strong foundation,
any passing storm would easily knock the building down. The same is true
of relationships. Although we learn many things during years of schooling,
most never have the opportunity to learn the basic laws of loving relationships,
what is required to make them work.
So many jump into relationships wanting to fly to the heights without having
any understanding at all of how to build a solid foundation that will allow
their relationship to stand strong. However, just as an architect knows and
respects the laws of gravity, we too must know and work with the basic laws
of love. These laws operate unfailingly. They are the cornerstone of all
relationships and guidelines for the human heart. Once we learn and apply
the basic laws of love, it is truly impossible to fail at love. No matter
what happens.
Unfortunately, rather than learn these simple laws, most have absorbed many
myths and fantasies. They then suffer greatly when their dreams do not come
to pass and either blame themselves and others. However, it is extremely
important to realize that the only thing that causes hurt, loss, or distress
in relationships are the fantasies we hold onto. Once we replace these fantasies
with the simple laws of love, a whole new world opens. Confusion is cleared
up and we naturally see the right steps to take.
To begin with, let us absorb this law #1. It is impossible to fail at
love.
No one is a failure in love. Our mistakes, losses, confusion and mishaps
do not arise because of love. They arise simply out of our ignorance of who
we are and what love truly is.
In order to recognize real love, we must move onwards to law #2. There is
a difference between real and counterfeit love.
Counterfeit love is based upon the idea that love is an emotion, a wonderful
feeling, not a way of life. In counterfeit love, when we have strong feelings
towards someone, we immediately assume that we are in love. But all feelings
naturally change, that is their nature. Many feel that love is leaving when
this happens. They do not realize that it is the nature of feelings to change,
and that this is also the nature of counterfeit love.
Counterfeit love is confusion between excitement, dependence, attachment
and love. Real love does not fluctuate. We do not reject the other person
if they do not meet our needs. Real love grows through action. It is love
is a verb, upon deeds of kindness, value and respect. It knows that the
foundation of lasting relationships is built something deeper than feelings
that come and go.
Love brings fulfillment, healing, kindness, warmth and inspiration. Let us
separate truth from error here. If this is not what's going on in your
relationship, it is not an expression of love. But it is easy to save your
relationship. Let us learn how to build relationships that are based on a
strong foundation. Once you learn and practice the laws of love you will
not only save your relationship, but become all you were meant to be.
Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship,
by working with the unique program in Dr. Shoshanna’s new e-book Save
Your Relationship (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships).
http://www.truthaboutlove.com. Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, relationship
expert on i.village.com, speaker, and has run over 500 workshops on all aspects
of relationships and fulfilling your potential. She is the author of many
books, including The Anger Diet, (30 Days to Stress Free Living), Zen And
The Art of Falling In Love, (Simon and Schuster), Why Men Leave (Putnam),
What He Can’t Tell You And Needs To Say, (Putnam) and many others. You
can contact her at mailto: mailto:topspeaker@yahoo.com. Her personal website
is: http://www.brendashoshanna.com/
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